Silent night. 

19 years in a flash.

The path towards the late adolescence began with guided wandering to an overlooked misfooting leading to a jump off the cliff and back to the highlands. Childhood was sweet and simple. I was the only child in the house and still remains status quo. I was glad very little demands were placed on me as a child, however not too little as to result in delinquency. I didn't lead the life of tuition, piano, guitar classes, maybe even ballet (it's just weird why parents make kids go for ballet). I was just an urban kampong boy speaking English, Mandarin and Teochew mingling among the middle-working socioeconomic class. I feel it's great, had the chance to jump off letter boxes, balconies (2nd floor only), get bullied, experience corporal punishment. I always had the 'good to bully' charm that goes with me everywhere; I didn't know whether I'd cry after each encounter but I felt happy when my family towers over those small bullies and reprimands them. My maternal grandpa would just scream gibberish at Indian boys (trademark of early immigrants). Learnt quite a mouthful of profanities from my maternal grandma : Penis, Vagina, Smelly Vagina, Incest, Coffin Boy, whatever balls.
Learning them gave me a series of 5mm rattan cane strokes on my body courtesy of my mum.
My mum was the discipline mistress. I hated her when I was young, but love her to bits when I grew older. We're close friends actually, discussions are pretty open too.
Primary School was fast and sweet, life then was Dragonball Z cards, reenactment of drama scenes especially those of divine powers, ping-pong, soccer, basketball, swimming.
Got into SAS and for goodness' sake, studying without girls was a torture, just look at my lower secondary grades. Screwed my sec 2 streaming (too much of skateboarding), got a crap combinaton with not much hope of going to any good schools. Even my bio teacher told me to go poly. Plus a sprinkle of insensitive people, demoralised was I. There were occasions when there was the urge to breakdown and cry.
Come 2002, I was darn lucky to enter SAJC. I finally had my chance to study my favourite combination. Had a relaxed and cute class for 2 years.
From upper secondary till now, I started reading Buddhist texts and it elicited a dramatic shift in perspective. Semi-aggressive competitiveness, negative aloofness, occassional reluctance to 'de-tense' all stem from insecurity. You'd like to have something; you've fixed your eye on it. You watch it move away/disappear from you, your emotions take control. And actions resulting from such causes can be real screw-ups for self and others. One must recognise the impermanence of all things so as to live well and happy. Recognising and incorporating this essential quality of reality naturally makes one more generous, harbour less nonsensical thoughts that yield insecurity. Insecurity just makes things foul and people less happy.
I was once approached by a net friend who asked if I wanted to join his business ( similar to MLM ). In his proposal and business plan which had some Philosophy section, there was purpose in life and he gladly told me his purpose in life is to earn sufficient money to achieve financial stability. Understandly, it's all about freedom. Months later, I understood Freedom is all about a path that would possibly lead to Happiness and Happiness is our subconscious purpose in Life. I wonder what the future holds after my 19 years of existence. Maybe I shouldn't even think about it.

Uninhibition.

Well, Merry Christmas to all once again.
I basically had a chalet over there at camp instead of work. Haha.
We had our grill ready, DVDs and VCDs and feasting non-stop on ham, otahs and cuttlefish balls.
Others had their share of Canadian Pizzas ( I notice we order frequently from them. =)
Anyway, it was the usual stroll back home from Dhoby Ghaut and the route looked slightly disfigured. Strands of purple, pink, blue cotton thread-like material littered all over the pathway, some unfortunately stuck onto cars. It occurred to me that what makes festive seasons special is the opportunity to be unrestrained. Burn sparklers lah, throw them in the air like flares and missiles, throw banned poppers around the neighbourhood; Partying on the streets, getting drunk, getting into a foam party; Getting away from work and boss to finally have a chance to go for a complete family outing. With the lifting of firecrackers ban, it's gonna be way cool at Chinatown next year. =)

Definition [Christmas] :

What do you think about when the festive season approaches and everyone's geared up with materials, gadgets, toys, clothing and preparing surprises for everyone for that overhyped and overcrowding event of the year ?
Some of us would devote time attending a church mass praying for the betterment of mankind, reflecting on the past year ...... Some over-scratch their plastic cards. Some plan parties hoping for a smashing gathering of friends when 25th December comes knocking.
Personally, it's just overhyped in Singapore.
Christmas was boring for me in Sydney simply because everyone locked up their shops and probably cuddled together at home.
The route marches in Orchard are simply impressive just looking at its sheer numbers. But then I question the point of doing this. It's warm, the crowd density is pretty high and locomotion whether by foot or machine could get very frustrating. Perhaps it's the vestigial "Herd" instinct kicking in just like what hormones do.
Foam fantasy underneath the dark sky illuminated with red, purple, green, blue, white beams of light. Getting physical contacts with strangers, getting downright wrong massages at the wrongest places, feeling your chest beating like a drum and having diminished hearing ability, finding yourself lacking the restraint from following the big herd of a few thousand over homo sapiens screaming and working out. It's definitely drug-related isn't it ?
Maybe we shouldn't indulge too much. Let's review reality and think of others locally and in foreign lands deprived of rest, adequate food, clothing and shelter. One might not think much about it. But we are as susceptible to such situations if things do go really wrong. Do have fun and be gay and also remember the plight of others. Indulgence brings gratification but it is significantly short-lived. We live to be happy and happiness is what we are constantly seeking for, so the better deal would be to search for sources of happiness that's wholesome and long-lived. For those who are suffering, joy is their anaesthetic. It's a season to be jolly and doing something constructive on the whole gives the joy. Merry Christmas all. =)

Retirement.

So it's drivin' everyday. I'm the garbage truck, taxi and bus driver and not to mention the food caterer. Shuttling to and fro from one sector to another, getting awoken by phone calls requesting for transportational support forces. It gets to a point where you feel it's perhaps an inception of advanced retirement. A retirement for about 1 and a half years. Here I have the pleasure and time to peruse 90% of the Straits Times excluding the Classifieds. Read NLB book on topics like C programming, Forensics and Digital Photography. In contrast to my school days, I never dare tempt fate with such extraneous input. However, largely lacking from my current life is a healthy and wide enough social circle. It is sadly between me and 4 other drivers daily, with a few sgts and RPs as my passengers, canteen and restaurant aunties and uncles. It resembles the situation where one retires and settles at home doing mundane matters all day, mix around within the HDB estate, ride a bicycle around the neighbourhood exchanging brief greetings while meeting people along the way. Then it's couch potato time and some static games involving chesspieces. Or just the daily meetings with ' Zhou Gong '. After duties, I head home and sometimes my mum's workplace to mix around with the toddlers. What a striking match!

Nah.
It feels more like schooling again. A self-directed mind broadening phase that'll hopefully work out well. =)

Dear Ah Long.

Dear Ah Long,
I'm often amused by your writings published on my void deck and stairway walls, even more by your silly actions. Why lend money to people who can't even get a loan from the bank ? You see, they're probably people who can't fend for themselves financially, what more capable of fulfilling the promise of returning the loan together with the handsome interest rates ? I don't know how you operate on people who don't fulfill the promise or simply lack the integrity but maybe a joint venture (legalised) with your counterparts would be a better way to support the financially ill. Hope you can do some background check on your future clients such that you don't waste time and effort 'cajoling' people and buying paint.


Yours Truly.


P.S. I heard that fella on 5th floor just moved away, feel sorry for you. And you're giving trouble to the Bangla workers! They're busying painting walls white again... It's all about living harmoniously, graciously and helping one another in the right way. But hey, I know you've been nice enough to use chalk instead of ink to reach out, it's just that they don't know.