Predication, Environment and Me.

Mild mood swings, distress, loneliness, yearning for attention and companionship.
Maybe it's the environment or was it my own practice of my lifestyle and beliefs.
Bunkmates that generally don't offer a sense of comfort and ease, some seem to delight in having mini-victories over me through comparison and have a trickling flow of blunt criticism.
I always like to hold my HP hoping that it'll vibrate for it means attention by someone. Have been calling my mum more frequently these days just to share tiny weeny bits of driving woes and occasionally happy moments.
I sat on a crate with a bag of trash on it and began ruminating about my current plight.
Have I always been a lonely person ?
Honestly, everyone has lonely moments but what about me ?
Perhaps I tend to ignore unpleasant emotions like loneliness most of the time but this time the emotion intensifies.
Possible reasons I can think of leading to my depressed state would be my driving incompetency which started because I believed that I'm not suited for driving because I think 24/7, which is quite true - I dream while driving. Then came the expected shelling from the instructor which made me feel incompetent intellectually as well as in the psychomotor aspect. I personally do not find anything majorly wrong with my behaviourial habits but yet people criticise endlessly and force upon me their lifestyle doctrine. I get irritating stares and hear frustrated voices which makes me utterly uncomfortable. I used to be able to tolerate such nonsense through my 'third party observing' mindset but as the days goes by and the need to force my mind to gear up to learn unappealing things, I had another mindset shift which I had to gradually persuade myself to begin with. I juggled between my mind learning about the physical world of driving and the internal world of self-discovery. Both have their pros and cons but they both have fundamental character and personality impact on myself of which some are good and bad.
Focusing on the physical world required me to do a wee bit of maths to crank start my senses and mind to synergize with each other. Focusing on the internal world perhaps made me a bit too reluctant to focus on the physical world but despite this, I've learned some higher emotions which I lost quite some time back. You think I'm undergoing phase 1 of psychosis, but I guess you're right. Maybe I'm making a risk to understand myself or in another way I'm just self-destructing through wrong methods of self-discovery. I feel much better now.